Best movie quotes

I'm bored...so I started thinking of my favorite movie quotes....

• Gunnery Sargeant Hartmann: "How tall are you Private?"Private Cowboy: "5 foot 9 Sir".Gunnery Sargeant Hartmann: "5 foot 9? I didn't know they could stack shit that high... are you trying to squeeze an inch in on me somewhere?"
  ~ Full Metal Jacket
• Man, I see in Fight Club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off.
  Fight Club
• The CIA ain't got shit on a woman with a plan! ~Two Can Play That Game
• Some people come into your life for a lifetime and some come for a season. You have to know which is which. I put everybody that comes into my life in the category of a tree. Some people are leaves on a tree. The wind blows, they go to the left. The wind blows from the other way, they go to the right. They are just unstable. You can't count on them for nothing. All they ever do is take from that tree. What you need to understand about a leaf is that it has a season. It'll wither and die and blow away.There ain't no need to be praying over a leaf to be resurrected. When it's dead it's gone. Let it go! Some people are like that. All the leaf ever does is cool you off every now and then. If you're grown, you know what I'm talking about, because you can call them in the middle of the night and get cooled off. That's the leaf people. They come to take. Then there are people like a branch. You got to be careful with branch people. They come in all different shapes and sizes. You never know how strong they will be in your life. So my advice is to tip out on it slowly. When you're going out on a limb, don't put too much weight on it at once, because it can fall and leave you high and dry. Sometimes, you have to wait for a branch to grow up before it can hold all of the things you want to share with it. Finally, there are people who are like roots at the bottom of the tree. If you find yourself two or three people in your entire lifetime that are like the roots, then you are blessed. The roots don't care nothing about being seen. All they're there to do is hold that tree up, to make sure it stays in the air. It comes from the earth to give that tree everything it needs. That's what relationships should be about. That's what you need, people who want to be in your life for the right reasons. If somebody wants to walk out of your life, you've got to LET THEM GO! When you learn to love yourself, you will end up giving standards to everyone around you. Again, I repeat with emphasis, if they don't meet those standards, you have to let them go, because they might be a leaf. And forgive them with all your might.~Madea Goes to Jail
• Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. ~Star Wars Episode I
• You can't respect somebody who kisses your ass. It just doesn't work.~Ferris Bueller's Day Off
• A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep. In dreams you will lose your heartaches. Whatever you wish for, you keep. Have faith in your dreams, and someday, your rainbow will come smiling through. No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, the dreams that you wish will come true. ~Cinderella
• As you know, l'm quite keen on comic books. Especially the ones about superheroes. I find the whole mythology surrounding superheroes fascinating. Take my favorite superhero, Superman. Not a great comic book. Not particularly well-drawn. But the mythology... The mythology is not only great, it's unique. Now, a staple of the superhero mythology is, there's the superhero and there's the alter ego. Batman is actually Bruce Wayne, Spider-Man is actually Peter Parker. When that character wakes up in the morning, he's Peter Parker. He has to put on a costume to become Spider-Man. And it is in that characteristic Superman stands alone. Superman didn't become Superman. Superman was born Superman. When Superman wakes up in the morning, he's Superman. His alter ego is Clark Kent. His outfit with the big red "S", that's the blanket he was wrapped in as a baby when the Kents found him. Those are his clothes. What Kent wears - the glasses, the business suit - that's the costume. That's the costume Superman wears to blend in with us. Clark Kent is how Superman views us. And what are the characteristics of Clark Kent. He's weak... he's unsure of himself... he's a coward. Clark Kent is Superman's critique on the whole human race~Kill Bill Vol. II
• Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for I am the baddest mother fucker in the valley.~Jarhead
• The blacker the berry The sweeter the juice I could say it ain't so. But darlin', what's the use? The darker the chocolate The richer the taste That's where it's at. Now run and tell that!!~Hairspray (2007)
• To me, you're perfect~Love Actually
• Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion. ~Steel Magnolias
• My Dearest Allie. I couldn't sleep last night because I know that it's over between us. I'm not bitter anymore, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I'll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that's what you've given me. That's what I hope to give to you forever. I love you. I'll be seeing you. Noah ~The Notebook
• Forget about it is like if you agree with someone, you know, like Raquel Welch is one great piece of ass, forget about it. But then, if you disagree, like A Lincoln is better than a Cadillac? Forget about it! you know? But then, it's also like if something's the greatest thing in the world, like mingia those peppers, forget about it. But it's also like saying Go to hell! too. Like, you know, like "Hey Paulie, you got a one inch pecker?" and Paulie says "Forget about it!" Sometimes it just means 'forget about it'. ~Donnie Brasco
• Holly Golightly: No. The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling? Paul Varjak: Sure. Holly Golightly: Well, when I get it the only thing that does any good is to jump in a cab and go to Tiffany's. Calms me down right away. The quietness and the proud look of it; nothing very bad could happen to you there. If I could find a real-life place that'd make me feel like Tiffany's, then - then I'd buy some furniture and give the cat a name! ~Breakfast at Tiffany's
• I got mind control over Deebo. He be like "shut the f**k up." I be quiet. But when he leave, I be talking again~Friday

Hypocracy

• I think Lauren Conrad is the coolest person on TV...and she's not playing a character


• I LOVE the name Alessandra so much that I named my car that, because I feel its inappropiate to name my *future* very American daughter something authentically Brazillian.


• I'm obsessed with Audrey Hepburn but I've only seen two of her movies.


• My favorite holiday is New Year's Eve, because its just like any other day with champagne and glitter.
• I illegally download gospel songs, but I actually own all of Ludacris's CDs, and Britney's too.
• The Notebook makes me cry everytime, but I hate romance movies.
• I think trends, namely clothing trends, are reserved for those under 18.
• I think paying thousands for jeans is ridiculous but I'd drop bank for putty colored Jimmy Choo pumps.
• I love to write but I'm too unfocused to actually complete an entire book.
• I liked Harry Potter better than Bill Clinton's book, or The Divinci Code.
• I didn't think I'd use my Psychology degree, but I find it increasingly more useful in everyday life.
• PETA people annoy me.
• I watch the TV guide channel for the shows at the top.
• I like to eat popcorn and watch exercise infomercials.
• My IQ says I'm a genius, but my grades say I'm average....one is wrong.
• My taste in guys is not reflected in my past choices, like at all.
• I refuse to have a wedding party because I hate ranking my friends, and essentially thats what you have to do; and ironically I broke up with my best friend of 14 years because she didn't ask me to be in her wedding.
• I don't wear watches because I hate tanlines, but I'm obsessed with knowing the time.
• Reading PostSecret always makes me feel better about myself.
• I say I'd rather be blind than deaf, but I consider myself an artist.

ESSENCE of me

A lil questionairre I found in the January issues of ESSENCE that I decided to fill out...why not?

My Beauty Journey

1. When do you feel most beautiful?
Just out of the shower, freshly moisturized in a beater or T-shirt and boyshorts. Is that lame? NO make up, no fancy hair, nothing special. And with someone who can appreciate that simplicity...THAT is beautiful.

2. Who did you think was the most beautiful girl in school when you were growin up? Describe her appearance.
Growing up I really truly don't remember looking to one girl and thinking that she was the most beautiful girl in school. I admire different things in different people but I remember very early on being inspired by Tyra Banks because of her self-confidence and the breakthroughs she was making being a highly sought after Black supermodel. Other than that, I really can't think of anyone like a peer that I thought was beautiful. I think I also thought that everyone has problems and issues with themselves so I didn't necessary think that being any thinner, lighter, taller, etc would make a difference in the long run.

3. If you were very different in appearance, did you feel equally beautiful or less than beautiful?
I guess I can thank my mother for my unbelievable confidence. I really don't look at others and envy what they have or if I admire something then I know its attainable but I also know that I have certain qualities that others want...Maybe thats weird, you'd really have to understand my upbringing I guess lol but I was taught that we are all beautiful in our own ways and truly believed that.
4. When did you first discover you were a Black girl?
I dunno... When I was younger I went to an all black private prep school and so I was surrounded by people who looked like me. I remember in like 4th grade this girl in my neighborhood told me she didn't like Niggers and I said I didn't either b/c my mom told me the N word mean ignorant people. I guess it was pretty late like 14 after I went to a predominantly white school that I really realized that white people live in a whole other world and that things are very different for black women than they are for white women.

5. In what ways is being a Black girl different from just being a girl?
I guess the answer they're looking for is ppl expect you to be loud, ghetto, have a baby at 16, be promiscous, have an attitude etc. But every race has stereotyes. I really think being a black girl is no different than just being a girl, hell everyone is different and two black girls are the same just as no two white girls are the same.

6. How have your family and upbringing influences your perception of what's beautiful?
My family is very diverse in its thinking but I will say that I come from a very supportive family on the whole. My mother raised me with a crazy sense of self-confidence and I grew up thinking I was the be all end all, not in a cocky way but I learned early that confidence is one of the most attractive, important qualities that a woman can possess. I learned that Black women are the mothers of the earth and that we are resiliant group and I was made to understand the importance of success on behalf of upholding not only my race but my gender in a society that is waiting on me to ask for a hand out and some food stamps.

7. What aspects of your personal beauty/style do you most enjoy?
I enjoy classic preppy clean looks, I don't like a lot of busy things or trends. I'm sooooo not trendy. I like the fact that my style translates across time and events. I won't have to throw out my jeans, belts, shoes, jewelry etc in 6 months because its no longer relevant.

8. What messagesabout your Black beauty have you kept? What messages have you deleted?
I have kept it all, and am continuing to learn. Black women are beautiful. I have deleted SOCIETY's in particular black america's instance on glorifying light skinned long hair/curly haired women = beautiful. All black women are beautiful, in every way shape and form. There is no perfect woman, only whats perfect to the one who loves her. God made us all in his image so why try to change yourself?

********************************************************************

Beauty and Self Esteem

1. How happy are you with your current total appearance?

Eh I mean everyone has things they want to change about themselves. I'd say I'm just as happy as the next girl appearance wise. Now health wise is a totally different thing. I do need to be more active and get in better shape and I fully intend to do that.

2. Are you more or less confident about your beauty now that in the past? Be Descriptive.

Umm hmm I guess I'm probably more confident now because I'm older and more comfortable in my own skin but doesn't everyone go through that? When you're finally content and happy with who you are and you start to realize that you better start working with what you got lol. I accept some vanity issues that I have for what they are but I figure if its not hurting anyone else and it makes me happy then it can't be that bad right?

3. Has an idealized beauty standard or the opinion of others ever impacted your self-esteem and confidence? What about now? Be specific.

Not really, in most media the token black girl always kinda looks the same, which funny enough is NOTHING like the average black girl and I've never been one who was killing myself trying to achieve some media created vision of beauty. That is not to say I'm above it all, everyone has doubts or anxiety or whatever but I'd say I've always been a pretty confident person overall. Now I'm just as confident but its a different kind of confidence. I think back in the day I was a little cocky lol and for what?!? Who knows but obviously it wasn't too terrible I always had friends lol

4. What breakthroughs have you made in self-acceptances and celebration of your beauty ?

Lets see I dunno I think that other people can help you to began to really accept yourself because if you ever doubt yourself then You just think about how much you're loved and realize that the trivial things you're trippin about don't matter. I realized February 17, 2003 that I'm here for a reason and that life is beautiful and ever since then I try to remember my purpose and "do me" if you will. As far as beauty if I want long hair, then I do it..if I want short hair or brown hair or I want to wear a short skirt then I do it. In the words of T.I. "No matter what I do you know I do it to death" haha

5. What steps have you taken to consistently celebrate all of your beauty all of the time?

Um I keep myself up? Idk pray, take time out for myself, treat myself occassionally, little things that make me happy. I can't wait to be a grownie, there will be a lot more treating going on.

2008

Here are a few of the things I'm trying to accomplish for 2008:

1. No settling..that goes for men, career goals, academic achievements, friendships 2008 is not a year for mediocrity.
2. Get into graduate school...I mean I know I have already gotten into UF but thats not where I want to be ultimately. I can't do another 'knoxville' type school.
3. Work at least part time doing photography, I figure at least 1,2 maybe 3 jobs a month? Something like that.
4. I need to get on a work-out regime and actually stick with it. I know everyone always says that but seriously...

2 Balls 2 Many

A friend of mine raised an interesting point the other day about aggressive women, he said 4 balls don't work in a relationship, but men (we're speaking MEN not boys) don't like women who don't have any...so really how does this work? I figure its not an issue of 4 balls in a relationship its more an issue of who's are hanging, and who's are tucked in a given situation. I apologize for the um less than classy analogy...

So really theres always a power struggle going on and during the happy times, the power is at whatever's normal for that couple; could be 50/50, 60/40, whatever. When you have an argument afterwards the goal is to return back to that norm: so a fight is a homeostatic process. So what happens when your man is trippin the balls are on the ground and he's standing up beating his chest? My initial reaction is to stand just as upright, look at him like he's short and do the same. THAT is probably not the right thing to do, because I'm sure sometimes he has a valid point or reason to be angry. You can't say you want this strong resilient Alpha-male then be mad when he acts like one.

Strong willed women, which seem to be abundant in today's society, need a man who makes her want to tuck them. Is that backwards? Maybe; I don't mean to speak for the world, I know some women are happy in a matriarchial society and in fact that is prominent especially among Black households, however a lot of that is not by choice. Its just one way of looking at things and this isn't even my absolutele opinion...but I seriously think men are becoming increasingly more Beta and women are gaining in aggression and Alphaness... That to me is messed up. I don't respond well to passive aggressiveness, I take it as a sign of weakness which might possibly be a character flaw and something I need to work on, but at least I know it. If you want something say it. If I'm in the wrong tell me, and if I'm being dismissive which I hardly ever am (one enjoys a good debate) then find a way to make me listen. I had someone tell me I was controlling. Incorrect but why relinquish any control to you when you haven't done anything to prove you deserve it?

I believe women, working women, today have become more aggressive because they have to be. Thats not to say that they want to be a hardass at home, they just had to be strong, abbrassive, and unemotional at work all day. I'm at home now you be the protector and make me feel safe. Or maybe I'm crazy....I often have that thought whenever I write these things. Like they're just meaningless rambles of a possibly twisted and troubled young woman, but then you don't have to read it...or agree I'm not looking for followers. I'm just simply providing food for thought.

Birds and Magnets

Some say, "Birds of a feather flock together" while others proclaim, "Opposites attract," but which is more condusive to a successful relationship? My best friend sent me this article from MSN.com it said: Your tastes are too different. “The number-one reason for failed relationships is what I call ‘refinement incompatibility,’” says Zannah Hackett, author of The Ancient Wisdom of Matchmaking. “Some of us are content to go camping, while others can’t survive outside a Ritz-Carlton hotel room. Some things are negotiable, but refinement incompatibility is not one of them, no matter how magnetically attracted you are to each other.” Your lifestyles are too different. If you’re a corporate exec pulling in six figures a year, you’ve probably figured out by now whether you can tolerate a guy who earns an order of magnitude less in terms of his salary. No harm, no foul: Pulling out now is better than leading him along (or unexpectedly sticking him with the tab at that expensive restaurant). And in addition to that it also listed opposite views of money spending, opposite views of politics, and opposite views of humor as "Signs your date isn't THE ONE." I know this isn't conclusive evidence but I think in general its going to be far harder loving your opposite than someone who is similar to you.

A friend of mine, A, she has a very dry an unapologetic sense of demeanor and she used to date a guy, G, who was a bit more expressive & emotional & thought she was mean and insensitive. In their troublesome months it became an issue because G began to feel like she didn't take him seriously and A being the hard-ass that she was couldn't bring herself to show him exactly how much she was trying to heed to his needs. In essence they broke up. I'm sure there were other factors but in my opinion, all along, they never really got each other. Her nonchalant drama-free attitude and his expressive and passionate attitude didn't mix. He wanted to hold her hand in public, she felt like whats the point...However in the beginning it was wonderful because G wanted to wine and dine her, and A played the coy hard to get, I'm not impressed role. Little did G know, it just wasn't in A to show how "impressed" she was or simply appreciate the romanticness (is that a word?). Essentially, G said "I love you so much, you mean the world to me" while A responded, "Yeah you're pretty cool too I guess."

All this is to say how imporant the little things are. Yes we all want somebody that is responsible, ambitious, honest, blah blah blah but who really thinks "I want somebody who appreciates Family Guy" its not so much that Peter Griffin holds a special place in your heart, its simply you don't want to feel like you're being judged by your partner for having an affinity for juvenile humor. The bigger issues such as kids/no kids, blue collar/white collar, beach vacation/camping vacation are things one might expect to compromise on. In actuality they can becoming bigger arguments because they feel just as strongly about their likes and beliefs that you do. And as we all know, you can't go into a relationship looking to change someone, that is just going to backfire and blow up in your face.

I guess its kind of obvious that I'm all for those BIRDS...they flock together for a reason, and studies show in relationships romantic and otherwise these relationships are more stable and have the most longevity. There's something comforting about not having to explain yourself. Someone who can relate to you, and doesn't necessarily have to work that much harder to understand where you're coming from on certain issues; *shoulder shrug* or maybe thats just me

Whats not fair...

Here's whats not fair...
I've decided I'm over you, that is until I hear your voice or see you smile
You have decided we're far from over, and you act like nothings changed.
I tell myself repeatedly I'm not calling you, texting you, thinking of you
but everything reminds me of you and I have to call...I have to text...my every thought is you.
We're never at the same place at the same time,
one of us is always playing the waiting game.

Whats not fair is...
I can't move on and I'm starting to believe its because I secretly don't want to.
How much I love(ed) care(ed) for and adore(d) you.
How I can't for the life of me place you in the "reason" or "season" group.
Are you the boyfriend thats keeping me from my husband?
Are the feelings still there or is it comfort that keeps me so attached?

Whats not fair is...
The way you know me like no one else does
How you're my person, the person in the world I can tell anything to...and now I need another one.
How you make me the stupid little girl I swore I'd never be.
These butterflies in my stomach are getting restless
How when I close my eyes I can remember your touch, smell your scent, feel your warmth and I think a small part of me always will.

Whats not fair is...
All the bullshit my heart can't seem to remember
All the drama my head can't keep track of
All the games and indecision; lets put away childish things
How a simple forehead kiss can erase the anger, pain, and frustration.

Whats not fair is...
All the jokes we've yet to laugh at
All the glances we've yet to exchange
All the memories we'll never get to make
How getting over you is the hardest thing I've ever had to do and you're not making it easy.

I think most of all whats not fair is that we're handicapping each other. Holding each other hostage in a situation where there IS no negotiator. There is no compromising, or a happy medium. We will never be 'just friends'. So...On the count of 3, lets just let go and see what happens...

Soundtrack

Here are a few lyrics to a few songs that have touched me...feel free to add your own!

So every time you hold me
Hold me like this is the last time
Every time you kiss me
Kiss me like you’ll never see me again
Every time you touch me
Touch me like this is the last time
Promise that you’ll love me
Love me like you’ll never see me again
~Alicia Keys "Like you'll never see me again"


Cause your eyes are the windows to heaven
Your smile could heal a million souls
Your love completes my existence
You're the other half that makes me whole
~Amel Larrieux "Makes me whole"

It could all be so simple
But you'd rather make it hard
Loving you is like a battle
And we both end up with scars
Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity
No one loves you more than me
And no one ever will
~Lauryn Hill "Ex-Factor"

Lord they really think they fooling you by coming to church on Sunday
Praying and laying hands on folks stomping and jumping around faking the holy ghost
But its a thin line between walking it and talking it
Living it and giving it or just pretending it's alright
And did they really think that they could pull the wool over your eyes Lord
Did they really think that by faking they were saved that they would get the same reward
This be the realest thing I ever wrote for sure
After this a lot of folks wont like me no mo'but after this I gotta go answer to you Lord
So I've made up my mind I'm a go to church on Sunday and sing a song that may hurt Somebody's feelings so that maybe Thy will, will be done on earth as it is in heaven
And hopefully they will see how much they really be discouraging a little old sinner like me
~Lyfe Jennings "Made up my mind"

This woman is growing weary
Of having to be so strong
Of having to pretend I’m made of stone
So I won’t end up with no broken bones
I can’t fight every battle aloneI want someone to lift me
Heal my wounds and give me kisses on my head
Say words that should be said
Fear is not the matter
I would so much rather open up my heart
And lay down my guard
~Amel Larrieux "Weary"

There ain't no room
For the hopeless sinner
Whom would hurt all mankind
Just to save his own
Have pitty on those whose
Chances grow thinner
For there is no hiding place
Against the kingdom's throne
People get ready
There's a train a commin'
You don't need no baggage
You just get on board
All You need is faith
To hear the diesels hummin'
You don't need no ticket
You just thank the Lord
~Curtis Mayfield "People get ready"

For what is a man?
What has he got?
If not himself - Then he has naught.
To say the things he truly feels
And not the words of one who kneels.
The record shows I took the blows
And did it my way.
~Frank Sinatra "My Way"

And then I go to see my brother
And I ask him to help me please
And he just winds up knockin' me
Back down on my knees
There were times when I thought I couldn't last for long
But now I think I'm able to carry on
It's been a long, been a long time coming
But I know a change is gonna come
~Sam Cooke "A change is gonna come"

There will come a day
The song will ring out
Down those golden streets
The voices of earth with the angels will sing
Every knee will bow
Sin will have no trace
In the glory of His amazing grace
~Faith Hill "There will come a day"

I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry
~Keith Urban "Tonight I wanna cry"

Ain't nobody ever took the time to try to teach me what love was but you
And I ain't never trust anyone enough to let em tell me what to do
Teach me how to really show it and show me how to really love you baby
Teach me please just show me yeah
Cause I'm willing
To let go of my fears girl I'm serious
About all that I've said
Girl I wanna love you with all my heart
Baby show me where to start
Teach me how to love
~Musiq "Teach Me"

She say she never done it
She say she never tried
She sittin there tellin a mutha fuckin lie!
~Kilo Ali "Love in ya mouth"

Takin' my hits, writin' my hits
Writin' my rhymes, playin' my mind
This fuckin' job can't help him
So I quit, y'all welcome
Y'all don't know my struggle
Y'all can't match my hustle
You can't catch my hustle
You can't fathom my love dude
Lock yourself in a room doin' five beats a day for three summers
That's a different world like Cree Summers
I deserve to do these numbers
The kid that made that deserves that Maybach
So many records in my basement
I'm just waitin' on my spaceship
~Kanye West "Spaceship"

See I ain't got to get in your blouse
It's your eye contact, that be getting me aroused
When you show me your mind, it make me wanna show you mines
Reflecting my light, when it shines, just takin our time
Before the night's through, we could get physical tooI
ain't tryin to say I don't wanna fuck, cause I do
But for me boo, makin love is just as much mental
I like to know what I'm gettin into
~Dead Prez "Mind Sex"

I been thinkin bout u lately
Thoughts take me to when we were close
Addicted 2 your love, feel i need another dose
I know it's a feeling
That should be long gone
Things seem to come up
When I hear our song
Golden brown girl, it seem so long
Since i heard your voice
Where did the king go wrong?
Emotions that that they linger on
I guess cause i never knew a love so strong
~Common " I want you"

My cornerstone
You're who I go to
The love that you've shown
Doesn't compare to any unknown
You're the exception, treasure
My patient love...Forever enduring you
One look at youYou see right through me
You know my moods
You know what I'm thinking
Feel what I'm feeling
Cause you're my best friend true, oh you
~Goapele ft. Dwele "You"

You are the only one
That's patient when I fall
Your angel's come to save me
Every time I call
You don't laugh at me
When I make mistakes and cry
You're not like man
You understand me
See people change
One day they don't like you
The next they do
I wish that everyone Could love me just like you
So here I am This sinful man
Peace won't allow
I was wondering can you hold me now
~Kirk Franklin "Hold me now"

I am the stone that the builder refused
I am the visual, the inspiration
That made Lady Sing the Blues...
I'm the spark that makes your idea bright
The same spark that lights the dark
So that you can know your left from your right...
I am the ballot in the box, the bullet in the gun
The innerglow that lets you know
To call your brother sun...
The story that just begun
The promise of what's to come
And I'm a remain a soldier 'til the war is won
~Asheru "Boondocks Theme"

Have a baby by me,
Baby Be a millionaire
I write the check before the baby comes,
Who the fuck cares?
~50 Cent "I get money"

ALL I NEED IS ONE LIFE,
ONE TRY,
ONE BREATH I'M ONE MAN
WHAT I STAND FOR SPEAKS FOR ITSELF,
THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND
Or wanna see me on top, too egotistical
Talkin all that slick shit, the same way these bitches do
Wonder what my secrets is, niggaz'll move on you
only if they know, what your weakness is I have none
~NAS "One Mic"

I could buy my own groceries baby
Get my hair tight, my nails right
I can floss my own bling bling
Write the words to the songs I sing
I can even raise the child we'll make
Make sure he's loved and knows what God gave us
I can teach him how to walk and stand
But he needs you to help him be a man
We need you
So hard to say
We need you
~Jill Scott "The fact is (we need you)"

Set the standard for Atlanta, rearranged the league
Okay, so what tha fuck is fame to me?
I been poppin' since kindergarten, you's a lame to me
I give the niggas what they came to see
A reflection of one self where they aim to be
As you can see it ain't no changin me
And you won't meet another nigga off the chain as me
I'm so fly, no lie, don't deny it, ya feel it
So inspired by my style, decided to try it yo'self
Bet you won't, meet nobody ranked as high as myself
The checks you waitin' on, homes, I can sign them myself
~T.I. "Be Easy" MY THEME!

Our love was, comfortable and
so broken in
she's perfect, so flawless
I'm not impressed, I want you back.
~John Mayer "Comfortable"

What's the feeling that I get
Every single time I look deep into your eyes
What's the tingle that I feel
At the touch of your hand up & down my spine
What's so funny, in my belly tryna tell me something
Feels like butterflies
What's the feeling, what's the tingle, what's the tickle,
What's the world got for you and I
And I swear it's real,
Yes it is can't nobody ever tell me otherwise
And I swear I feel,
No I can't deny what I'm feeling inside
Is this the way love feels?
~Chrisette Michele "Is this the way love feels"

Lately my soul’s been aching
It’s like I’m stuck in this state of competency
I love her with my whole heart
But we can’t escape the fights
We breakup Then, makeup the next night
Our relationship lacks trust
But neither one of us
Can’t seem to walk away
Cuz we’re bottled up in this lust
And I know I wanna hit
Cuz the sexual chemistry
Takes over her and me
And then I hear her scream
~Brandon Hines "Overdose"

And I got misery
Cause I know loving you's a sin
And I'll be on my knees
Praying that I don't give in
Now baby you and me
Never ever could have been
So I got misery
Because I'll love you till the end
~Amel Larrieux "Sweet Misery"

See I picks my friends like I pick my fruit
My granny told me that when I was only a youth
I don't walk around trying to be what Im not
I don't waste my time trying to get what you got
I work at pleasin me
Cause I can't please you and thats why I do what I do
~Erykah Badu "Appletree"

Well, from my understanding people get better
when they start to understand that, they are valuable
And they not valuable because they got a whole lot of money
or cause somebody, think they sexy
but they valuable cause they been created by God
And God, makes you valuable
And whether or not you, recognize that value is one thing
You got a lot of socities and governments
tryin to be God, wishin that they were God
They wanna create satellites and cameras everywhere
and make you think they got the all-seein eye
~Mos Def "Fear Not of Man"

I remember when you filled my heart with joy
was I blind to the truth, just there to fill the space?
cause now, you have no interest in anything that I have to say
and I've allowed you to make me feel(I feel so dumb)
what kind of fool am I?
you so easily set me aside
you made a fool of me
tell me why
you say that you don't care, but
we made love, tell me why
you made a fool of me
~Me'Shell Ndegeocello "Fool of me"

I am crying, a part of me is dying and
These are, these are
The confessions of a broken heart
~Lindsey Lohan "Confessions of a Broken Heart"

So the words you could not say
I'll sing them for you
And the love we would have made
I'll make it for two
For every single memory
Has become a part of me
You will always be My love
Well I've been loved
So I know just what love is
And the lover that I kissed
Is always by my side
~George Michael "Jesus to a child"

Over my shoulder

I wonder a lot of the time how I've gotten to the place that I am, and how I will get to the places I'll go. Presently, I am very happy as I think about my future and what it holds. I am happy about the people in my life, and the accomplishments they are making. I am happy personally even though I'm single, I'm ALL THE WAY single which is something I haven't been in a long time and I'm overjoyed about it really. Growth and change are necessary for a person to become a better them, and I think college definitely facilitates that...
Its so crazy to watch things like, old movies and old TV shows like A different World and note how they mean something totally different than what they used to. Life experience has changed us and we will never have that youthful innocence back as we have become older and hopefully wiser. Friends have hurt us and helped us to recognize the characteristics of true friendship. Our parents have become human to us rather than these superheroes. Our exes have loved us and hurt us and taught us our standards and expectations, and now our sense of what a functional mature relationship is becoming better defined. All of these things that we didn't understand at the time have helped mold us into the person we are today and hopefully we can look in the mirror and LOVE that person.
If not then you know, we are human and we all fall short sometimes, but the beautiful thing about life is you're not stuck. You're never stuck in a job or stuck in a relationship or stuck in a mindset. God gave us a choice, and we always have the opportunity to change something we are unhappy with if we choose to do so.
Keeping that in mind, enjoy life and find something to smile about everyday because life is beautiful and we are BLESSED, and favored...My favorite parable: A man calls to the Lord and says, Lord my cross is too heavy to bear I feel burdened and overwhelmed and hopeless what should I do? The Lord takes the man into a room filled with crosses and tells the man to pick out a new one. The man sifts through the crosses some big, some too heavy to carry, but finally decides on one small cross just big enough for him to carry. He asks the Lord if he can bear this cross instead, and the Lord replies, "My child that is the one you came in with."
It is important that we remember everybody goes through things, but He will never put more on you than you can bear. Whatever it is you're going through it is for a reason and you will come out of it if only you have faith. Surround yourself with people who are positive and uplifting and are supportive and if someone is blocking that positivity LET THEM GO. Thats maybe one of the hardest things to do in life, but pruning and weed-eating is apart of growth. You can't be afraid of change, you can't be afraid to try something new. If you always do what you always did, then you'll always get what you always got. As you walk down life's crooked path, when you look over your shoulder, you'll see a straight line. Hindsight is always 20/20, trust, have faith, live laugh LOVE!

Little Boys & Frienemies

I know for a fact this one people will be able to feel me on, and that is so unfortunate. Trusting. Something that shouldn't be hard but becomes increasingly difficult with age and life experience. That is not exclusive to romantic relationships either... How many people really trust the people they associate themselves with. Or do you have, within your group of associates, those select few that you don't share your life with? Perhaps they haven't earned your trust, or maybe you've vicariously learned that they are not to be trusted. Either way, why even keep those people in your life???

To me, lying and cheating are the ultimate no-nos in relationships and grounds for immediate dismissal because if I cant trust my partner then what else is there? Constantly wondering if he is where he said he would be, or if he's telling me things just to make me happy but has other intentions is NERVEWRECKING and I absolutely refuse to put up with it. Perhaps unjustly and prematurely I have stopped talking to people all together because of lies. Everyone knows whats done in the dark always comes out in the light, so why even fix your mouth to tell a lie? An ex of mine told me that its not always so personal, that people aren't lying to me because its me, they'd tell that lie 'in general'. Well I'd like to think that if you're trying to date me, or be in a relationship with me, you'd take the extra effort to separate me from the 'in general' people you'd normally lie to and keep it 100 with me. I don't think thats too much to ask for....

Moving off men for a second, friends....how many of us have them? Maybe the realest line ever rapped, right? Girls, perhaps can understand this better than men but it is SO hard to find a group of women to be friends with that you can really be friends with. A lot of times a group forms from the blending of two groups or someone is a friend of a friend, that means you off bat want to trust her because someone YOU trust trusts her (hope thats not confusing). Anyway, but sooooooo many times you find yourself burned by women and for what? A career opp? A man? Honey if he left that easily she did you a favor, write her a thank you note and keep it moving. And the thing that puzzles me is, women will hurt each other, smile in your face while she's steady trying to get your man and in essesnce prove something. Jealousy is the root of a lot of this. Its simple: Jane is confident, attractive, social, and happy. Sue lacks self-esteem, is very attractive, social, and unhappy and Sue will try to take what Jane has to get that confidence and that happiness. Well SUEs of the world....This joy I have, the world didn't give it, Baby! So if you find that core group of women who are supportive, positive, ambitious, trustworthy and loyal, then hold on to them and nurture those relationships, its not worth it extended the friendship circle sometimes.

Back to guys for closing...Men a real man doesn't play games appreciates what he has and understands the 80/20 rule, only a little boy has to lie to get what he wants. Ladies, a real class act doesn't set her goals at the achievements of others and there's enough out there trying to hold us down DON'T be part of the problem!

Its funny how low self-esteem causes so much drama...but we'll save that for tomorrow!!

I wanna be 6 again

In one of my favorite John Mayer songs "83" he says

Well these days I wish I was six again. Oh make me a red cape I wanna be superman. Oh if only my life was more like 1983, All these things would be more like they were at the start of me. If my life was more like 1983, Plot a course to the source of the purest little part of me...

And I couldn't agree more. What would life be like if you woke up and were suddenly 6 again? Would you want to be completely ignorant of all life's lessons thus far? Would you be doomed to repeat the same mistakes? Would you want to be knowledgeable of your 17+/_ years lost? Would you do things differently, inevitably causing a butterfly effect on the rest of your life, now leading you down an entirely different path....Life was so carefree at 6, its before the basic dramas of life when your biggest worry is what's to eat for lunch. Is it wrong to long for the days of simple pleasures and no responsibilities?

Cakin

I'm starting an anti-caking coalition...because you know what? The shit is useless. I've decided treat men like mushrooms: You feed them shit and keep them in the dark. Because you know what, the more you act right the more they run in the opposite direction...but the second you're like "fuck you and fuck this" they wanna act right. What IS that? And of course once you've decided to get over him, he'll be the man you wanted him to be all along. I'm taking a stand against the cycle, ladies stop baking the cake!

Nooooo I'm not bitter, its just a random inexplicable fact of life that after a certain amount of relationships and a certain amount of hearbreak that the hardest thing is to let someone in and let someone love you. Now in a perfect world men would all be sitting around wrapped in this fear that they'll get hurt but lets be real...they're not. Half the time when they have a good thing they're looking to upgrade. This is not all, just most. I'm ready to scream, I am the best thing that you COULD have had. Then of course women are all analytical thinking what did I do wrong? Not shit! Ok thats not true, sometimes we fuck up ladies. But sometimes the shit is out of the blue like, just POOF 'I'm not gonna act right today...or ever' and we are left thinking what the hell was I wasting my time for? STOP BAKING THE CAKE

The Player handbook tells men to give a girl just enough to keep her wanting more...at least initially. So lets adopt that motto. We're too old for mind games and such, so if he's not acting right, count your losses and stop actin right your damn self. Go dumb.
Him: What you doing tonight?
You: I don't even know...
Him: Oh well maybe I can roll through later
You: I don't know, I'll text you.
Yeah he's thinkin what the fuck. You supposed to be there, didn't you know?!? Don't be predictable...and if he wants to leave, let him. Let him go get that 20 and leave this 80 at home. Just make sure you're really the 80!!!

Now, cakin with your man is totally different that cakin with your homeboy. Save the cake for someone special. And even then every once in a while, let him woo you all over again. The fun is in the chase, so sometimes he's got to think you might get away even if you're going nowhere. I could write a book on this shit...

Addiction *repost*

Preface:
For those of you who don’t watch Grey’s Anatomy…this allusion may be lost to you, but get your life together and tune in! Last week’s episode was centered on ‘addiction’ and one quote that stuck out to me was from Burke’s mother she said “An honorable man doesn’t settle for less than he deserves.” That has been on my mind for the last few days and I can’t help but apply it to my own life. It’s almost always easier to stay than to walk away especially when it comes to matters of the heart…

Settling…nobody wants to think of it as that, but that’s exactly what it is when we refuse to fight for what we deserve and walk away from inferior offerings. When you’ve loved somebody for so long and you have been through the fire together, it takes a strong person to walk away when you know you should. He doesn’t bother calling, she’s always with her friends, and you have that gut-wrenching but infallible feeling that infidelity has entered the picture but you can’t walk away because you’re addicted. You stay with them longing to achieve the feeling of that first high, those butterflies in your stomach, that smile that spreads across your face when you see their name on your caller ID, you are a fiend and you’ve started to settle for a little hit rather than quit cold turkey. Avoid the addict’s itch for just a little kiss, evade the addict’s desperation for a simple I love you, contest the addict’s withdrawal from the lack of interest. Just the slightest bit of attention from them and its enough to satiate your hunger for a little while, maybe you go on a date to try to fix things and you’re through the roof with elation…You’re so high, don’t want to come down, you’re love stoned and you can’t seem to remember the problems, the fights, the lies, the half-truths, or the differences that not to long ago consumed your body leaving it hollow and in need. You’re constantly chasing faded memories of how it used to be, and one day you look in the mirror and won’t recognize yourself. Who is this person that used to be so strong, so independent and carefree? The light in your eyes has faded, the song in your heart has been muted, the addiction-to him or to her, its all you can think about. Even in dreams you can’t escape it. Your subconscious self knows better than anyone how much you rely on that love, the love that used to be so strong and made you so happy has now become the catalyst in your spiritual demise.

What makes you stay…is it the love, the intimacy, the fear of starting over, the comfort of that warm body next to yours at night? When did you lose yourself in him, how did it even happen? You can’t pinpoint any exact moment, can’t remember the exact date and time where you began to settle…Settle for excuses rather than the truth, empty promises rather than action, thoughtless gifts instead of warm notes just because, slipshod sex instead of passionate love making. You can feel yourself falling deeper and deeper prey to your addiction but you can’t find the strength to leave; to stand up for yourself and prepare to pick up the pieces of your broken heart. You tell yourself you can work through the problems, love conquers all and all you need to do is pray. But why pray if you’re not listening to the answer? A man in love with his woman wants her to be happy, he cherishes her, calls just because he’s thinking about her, wants to be near her because of the way she makes him feel, praises her feminity and does not stifle her growth as a strong, productive woman. A woman in love with her man supports him throughout his trials, cares for and nurtures him because his joy is her joy, she does not emasculate him but rather encourages him to stand up be a man and claim his place in society. Love shouldn’t hurt, love is not addiction it’s a reflection of something greater than man.

Walking away…its not going to be easy, as a matter of fact is sucks. You have given so much of yourself to this person that you now have to begin to redefine yourself. Take each lesson as it was given and dismiss any feelings of anger, wrath, and retribution-you’re better than that. You can kick this habit, chose yourself. And the first is the worst, never before have you given so much of yourself to another person. This is unchartered territory. Where do you even began to heal? Find comfort in the notion that there is someone out there ready to love you as you should be loved. Find joy in knowing you are not mediocre and by settling for half-ass love you are diminishing your self worth, increase your market value by walking away. Find peace by indulging in those healthy relationships you have made with family, friends, and Christ. But in the mean time, if you think its still worth it…settle for the love that hurts so good. Get your pleasure from your pain. Relish in your addiction to the reminiscences of love.

Empty Barrels

You know the old saying, "An empty barrel makes the most noise," well I feel like that saying is particularly relevant this week. People with no credibility and little character have found it necessary to speak out about things they are not equipped to speak on. A person has taken it upon themselves to verbally attack people when it was not necessary or even called for. Last night a response was written but its more than that...it comes down to, WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU? And not even on a personal level, like in the grand scheme of things, who are you and who are the people in general who find the need to talk shit and run their mouths with 0 to back it up?

I find it particularly interesting that the people who draw attention to themselves bad mouthing others, usually have the most skeletons in their closet. Its funny because you would think that those with something to hide would want to be as incog. as possible but its quite the opposite. Because they need validation. Their lives are so empty that they create drama around themselves...What better way to build social credibility than to say the best of the best, or the HNIC has beef with you? When in actuality the best is not thinking about you because why should they? Why dignify these empty barrels with a response? Why say anything; actions speak WAY louder than words and when was the last time you DID something worth noting besides run your mouth?

Its so easy to get caught up in the mud slinging and name-calling and such, as we all learned on monday-Nigga Moments are hard to avoid. I'm not quite pressing all the peace and harmony...I'm more saying don't even dignify yourself by thinking you're competition Mr. or Mrs. Empty Barrel. There isn't a need for words when you're truly the best at something, your greatness is depicted in your actions, how you carry yourself, and how you treat others. Clearly...class and tact are loss on you.

Empty Barrels are making all that noise because they want attention, they want to be noticed, they need to be on the lips of everyone, they need social validation. Ignoring them would be the best solution but not always the easiest, but once a hater has you off track, they have succeeded in their goal and that is unfortunate. It is a test of character to be able to look beyond the trifles in life, and remain undeterred by distractions. However, it is essential to success, as there will always be a few empty barrels along the path.

Nevertheless, the righteous will hold to their ways, and those with clean hands will grow stronger. Job 17:9

Circles

Why is it so hard to just say what you want. To simply say, I like you lets be together. I fucked up, I'm sorry. I made a mistake, forgive me. I don't think its working, I want to be single. You're not what's best for me, I can't do this anymore. Whatever the case may be...we have such a hard time getting over whatever barriers we've created in our heads to get to the center of the maze. Is it the excitement, the drama, the suspsense of knowing that problem we can easily solve will still be there tomorrow. Is it the realiablity of mental chaos? When do we get to grow up and stop the guessing games and just be real with one another? Please someone tell me that in adulthood I won't have to analyze what a text message really meant. Tell me that when I'm grown what he says is what he meant and his actions will reinforce his words. Tell me that my middle school relationship wasn't the prototype for all my future relationships.

I'm optimistic, either that or alone in starting a movement for growing up. I have faith that one day when I like you, I can tell you and it won't be a 3-week issue over whether I should tell you and how. We don't have to play games, beating around bushes and dancing in circles avoiding what we both want to say. Tell me what you're not saying, thats the best conversation we've ever had...you know the one thats yet to come. Lets grow up together and just be real...

Nigga Hymn

Niggas to my left
Niggas to my right
Niggas surround me like theives in the night

Niggas always yelling
Talking 'bout not shit
Probably got fired, but nigga holl'n bout he quit

Niggas love hoes
Niggas love to fuck
Niggas got a gang of kids cuz they refuse to just strap up

Niggas ride 28s
'Round the hood so you can see
Bumpin that 'I'm serious' yellin, nigga FREE T.I.P

Niggas are nomadic
Niggas got 4 or 5 phones
Hit me on my chirp, cuz niggas never be at home

Nigga can't get a loan
Niggas got bad credit
D-boys carry stacks, what the fucks a Visa debit?

Niggas blame the man
Always holdin out their hand
When you ask 'the man' to feed you, nigga you LOSE again

Avoiding responsiblity
Never taking the blame
Niggas are as broken as the traps and hoods they claim

Niggas make you laugh,
Can shoot the shit all day
Give a nigga a book, and watch that nigga shy away

Ignorance is bliss
Knowledge is the missing link
White folks'll continue to rule the world
If we think like niggas think.

The one...and the other one

Carrie and Big and Aidan. Allie had Noah and Lon. Belle had Beast and Gaston. OK so maybe the last one was a stretch but it seems like in fiction, as well as real life there's always 'the one' and the other one... There's always the practical one the responsible one, the one who's good to you and treats you with dignity and respect, who gives you no reason to complain or worry, in other words the boring one. Then theres the one who can get under your skin like no one else can, the one who presses your buttons, tells you you're wrong, and doesn't baby you...but his touch sends your heart soaring, his calls make you smile, and theres unbelievable passion. Every girl throughout the course of her life will be faced with 'the one' and 'the other one'. Its hard because both are good men, both will be capable providers, both offer you the love you want, but its how they love that is different...

Aidan Shaw/Lon Hammond/The other one
This guy is a hard one to give up because he's quite a catch. And some women don't give him up, some settle into happy, quiet lives with their Aidans and infinitely long for that something that is missing in their relationship. You can't quite put your finger on it, and you wish you could love him wholly. You wish you had the same fire and fervor for Aidan that you have for 'the one' but you just don't, and some women will never admit that to themselves. The other one is loyal, and wants to please you, and wants to share his world with you...the only problem is you don't really care. Its boring and as nice as predictability is, it gets old. Relationships need spontaneity, the fire can't die out or else the couple is doomed. To think that some women marry 'the other one' have kids with him, and build a home and essentially a fortress of longing. Longing for something more. I'm a firm believer that your husband should be your best sex, your most passionate kiss, your best friend, someone you can teach and learn from, someone with whom you can laugh, fight, and make up with. You should be able to explore your full range of emotions with your significant other. Aidans typically try to satiate their women suppressing sadness, greif, or anger. Its not that they don't care, but they just want everything and everyone to be happy. In reality though, we can't be happy all the time. Everyone needs a good cry every once in a while, conflict can bring people closer together in the end, don't avoid fights welcome the conflict as an opprotunity to compromise and grow together. But...Aidan is smart, successful, loving, open, and loves you. Its hard to turn down safety.

Mr. Big/Noah Calhoun/ The One
You laugh together at things you can't begin to explain to other people, he is your comforter when you cry, but he can irritate you more than anyone in the entire world and often does...but the good outweighs the bad. When you fight, its full of just as much passion and enthusiasm as your joyous times. But you two understand each other in a way that you can't explain. Sometimes your best friends don't like him...thats mainly because you've been through the ringer so many times with this guy that its hard for them to understand why you keep going back. You know, though, that at the end of the day, his is the last voice you want to hear and the last hand you want to hold. You can talk to him about anything without being judged, you are free to be yourself with him. Thats the most important thing, when you're with 'the one' you love who you are, he makes YOU a better you. Sometimes it feels illogical because the relationship is unpredictable and maybe even unorthodox, but it doesn't matter because you can't plan love, it just happens and you go where it takes you. What can I say...you just know. And you know you know, sometimes you don't want to admit it...but you always know deep down inside that this is the person I'm supposed to be with. This is the person that I'm supposed to share my life. He is my gift from Him. The one loves you enough to hurt your feelings, they are afraid of you leaving over a simple dispute. They are they ones who evolve and grow with you, they are nurturing your emotions not suppressing them. Lol a long time ago my my friend C said, every girl wants a guy to punch her in the eye. Now I don't agree with this literally, but figuratively, yeah...who really wants a 'yes, dear' who never puts up a fight or poses a challenge. Why be in a relationship if its all about me???

Its crazy because the only difference between choosing 'the one' and 'the other one' is fear. Fear of unpredictablity and taking a risk. But the bigger the risk the bigger the pay-off. And its understandable that many don't want to gamble with their hearts...but those same people who take the safe bets will be the same ones 15 years into a marriage who either get divorced or stay unhappily in the marriage feeling unfulfilled and lost. So...balls to the wall, or fold?

The L word

Its supposed to be the greatest thing in the world to love someone, and have them love you back. But for some people, they are getting in their own paths to true happiness. Fear makes you trepid and anxious and can lead you to create all kinds of reasons for avoiding love. Its so crazy when you think about it logically, how can someone be afraid of happiness? How can someone have reservations about allowing someone love you? Sometimes, its not always about a phobia... A friend of mine, J, she said sometimes those people who avoid commitment aren't always afraid of it, they simply realize the seriousness of it and therefore approach it with great caution. Being one of those people, I like to think of it like that too.

What are you afraid of? A question that is simple enough to ask, but the answer can hold infinite ends. I'm afraid of getting hurt, I'm afraid of losing love, I'm afraid of letting someone in, I'm afraid of trusting, I'm afraid of intimacy. Fear...will be the death of love. Love isn't going anywhere, but if we continue to remain paralyzed by hypothetical casualties then we are missing out on life. Shakespere said, "Our doubts are traitors, And make us lose the good we oft might win By fearing to attempt, " in his play Measure for Measure. And how true that is...how many things have you missed out on because you were too afraid to simply try? How many of us have overlooked love, we saw it, recognized it, and ran the other way out of fear. How many of us have brought our past relationships into our present ones leaving our current mates chipping at the wall around our hearts with a butterknife. Its insane. WHY are we afraid of happiness.

Speaking from personal experience, I know that I have rules that allow me to keep it casual. For instance, I never use real names. Once u name the puppy you're keeping it, silly as it sounds. Another thing, titles, you can't break up if you're never together. Homeboys 4 life lol, I have been in a 5 year non-relationship with a guy 75% of my friends have no idea of his real name. And last night he asks, me 'What am I afraid of'... EVERYTHING! Its scary to care so much about a person, and to have them know you as intimately as people in relationships do. Its terrifying to imagine that you are vulnerable and they can hurt you more than anyone in the world because unlike with family you have chosen to share your life with them, you have voluntarily divulged secrets, flaws, likes and dislikes, habits, idosyncracies, dreams, goals, fears, experiences and all with them and you are trusting them with the most personal details of your life.

I don't know why you love me, and thats why I love you...
Funny little line, but its so true. Those people that love you, when you're a commitment phobe you wonder why? When you know all the good as well as the bad, why do you stay? After I refuse to let you in, won't commit to you, put you in the friendship zone, and in some cases even encourage you to persue other relationships...but still you love me. I saw a quote on mySpace and it read, "Sometimes people build walls not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down." I think there's some truth to that because after a heartbreak, a wall goes up no matter how hard you try to avoid it, and you develop these defense mechanisms to keep you from getting hurt again. Ever player in the game has experiences a great heartbreak that lead them to that lifestyle. But you know, if you keep pushing and pushing, eventually they'll leave. Now what? Was it worth it? Was the threat of love worse than lonliness? Will meaningless relationships and frivilous sexual escapades fill the void left by the one you threw away?

I tell my mother, step-father, aunts & uncles, sisters, best friends, cousins and friends I love them all the time. I make it a point for the people in my life to know how much they mean to me...but when it comes down to this person, this guy who's been there pushing me to open up, patiently awaiting his turn I can't say the words. I would love to think that it'll come in time, that one day I'll grow out of it and one day I'll wake up and want to shout it from the rooftops...but I just don't know. For now I guess, fear and I will continue our tryst. Back and forth until one of us surrenders.

Ciara said it best....

Damn ok, I never even liked the song 'Like a Boy' but it seems to be appropiate lately. So one of my guy friends reveals to me that HE believes if I were a guy, I'd be a hoe...Since then I've come to the conclusion that everyone is living with an inner hoe and females have to supress this 'IH' just a bit more than men do...is that fair? Maybe not but thats life.

Sometimes I wish I could act like a boy.....
Lets get really real, if I were a guy HELL yeah I'd be a hoe. Knowing what I know now about females, I'd have no problem with it. Would I have standards, of course, would I be as picky as I am now? Probably should be but no. Thats the truth. Would I be disrespectful and treat women like hoes? Nah, but I'd treat hoes like hoes. I imagine its way more fun to "invade" than "be invaded", E (my guy friend) feels that I'd be a selfish lover and not take into account my partners needs. Thats fucked up, right? Is it true? Well I don't know about all that. I'd like to think that I still have a reputation to uphold and if I'ma do something I'ma excel at it lol...but who knows penis makes u stupid. But how much of the "boy me" is embedded in the "girl me" and WHO decided that sex was for boys??? We're the ones with the ONLY body part created solely for sexual gratification (fuck wit it) so I say we've got a 1up on men.

Wish we could switch up the roles...
As a woman, who is happy to BE a woman, I still wonder about these double standards. Something inside a womans superego is constantly checking her and moving her away from a hedonistic lifestyle of pleasure. Do men have this same thing? I mean of course they do but is that inner voice as loud? If you take away the social stigma of 'hoe' and you always keep safe sex in mind...would you be more of a hoe, Ladies? There's something to be said about a woman who fucks a la Samantha Jones style. With no apologies or excuses, hell its just sex and men do it...why must the woman be the one thinking of relationships and the future? Who says females can't just want sex?? Everyone has these thoughts, I'm convinced.

Aw naw, you wouldn't like that, NO!
I think a lot of times men don't take women seriously when they say they just want sex because 1.It can be viewed as emmasculating 2.Half the time women are LYING (yeah I said it) and 3.Its never just sex. Now just because I have acknowledged my IH doesn't mean that bitch gets any say in how I live my life... Its just the fact of the matter that she exsist in the first place, and why do men (socially speaking) get to indulge their IH while women have to suppress it? Women have perverted the ideal of sexual freedom and started using sex as a means to get what they want relationship wise. Its like damn, you fuckin it up for EVERYBODY! Can't you trap a dude the old fashioned way w/o pretending to be all new millenium? On the other hand, a man who can't handle a woman who knows what she wants is a piss poor excuse of a man in my opinion. Man up, literally, get your swag together and be grown about it. But its never just sex...thats 99.9% of the time, but I feel like in any continued sexual relationship somebody will catch feelings, or start acting possessive and things go south. Thats not always on the woman either, men have been acting more emotional these days (thats a whole 'nother blog)...

In conclusion, men are fabulous. Women are amazing and evolving everyday at a rate far faster than men, bet money, but just because those niggas are moving slow doesn't mean you can't move full speed ahead. Don't be ashamed of what you want, or expressing your desires. Own them, the mind does crazy things with suppressed emotions...that shit ALWAYS comes out. (Psych major info, anticipate my billing invoice)