Addiction *repost*

Preface:
For those of you who don’t watch Grey’s Anatomy…this allusion may be lost to you, but get your life together and tune in! Last week’s episode was centered on ‘addiction’ and one quote that stuck out to me was from Burke’s mother she said “An honorable man doesn’t settle for less than he deserves.” That has been on my mind for the last few days and I can’t help but apply it to my own life. It’s almost always easier to stay than to walk away especially when it comes to matters of the heart…

Settling…nobody wants to think of it as that, but that’s exactly what it is when we refuse to fight for what we deserve and walk away from inferior offerings. When you’ve loved somebody for so long and you have been through the fire together, it takes a strong person to walk away when you know you should. He doesn’t bother calling, she’s always with her friends, and you have that gut-wrenching but infallible feeling that infidelity has entered the picture but you can’t walk away because you’re addicted. You stay with them longing to achieve the feeling of that first high, those butterflies in your stomach, that smile that spreads across your face when you see their name on your caller ID, you are a fiend and you’ve started to settle for a little hit rather than quit cold turkey. Avoid the addict’s itch for just a little kiss, evade the addict’s desperation for a simple I love you, contest the addict’s withdrawal from the lack of interest. Just the slightest bit of attention from them and its enough to satiate your hunger for a little while, maybe you go on a date to try to fix things and you’re through the roof with elation…You’re so high, don’t want to come down, you’re love stoned and you can’t seem to remember the problems, the fights, the lies, the half-truths, or the differences that not to long ago consumed your body leaving it hollow and in need. You’re constantly chasing faded memories of how it used to be, and one day you look in the mirror and won’t recognize yourself. Who is this person that used to be so strong, so independent and carefree? The light in your eyes has faded, the song in your heart has been muted, the addiction-to him or to her, its all you can think about. Even in dreams you can’t escape it. Your subconscious self knows better than anyone how much you rely on that love, the love that used to be so strong and made you so happy has now become the catalyst in your spiritual demise.

What makes you stay…is it the love, the intimacy, the fear of starting over, the comfort of that warm body next to yours at night? When did you lose yourself in him, how did it even happen? You can’t pinpoint any exact moment, can’t remember the exact date and time where you began to settle…Settle for excuses rather than the truth, empty promises rather than action, thoughtless gifts instead of warm notes just because, slipshod sex instead of passionate love making. You can feel yourself falling deeper and deeper prey to your addiction but you can’t find the strength to leave; to stand up for yourself and prepare to pick up the pieces of your broken heart. You tell yourself you can work through the problems, love conquers all and all you need to do is pray. But why pray if you’re not listening to the answer? A man in love with his woman wants her to be happy, he cherishes her, calls just because he’s thinking about her, wants to be near her because of the way she makes him feel, praises her feminity and does not stifle her growth as a strong, productive woman. A woman in love with her man supports him throughout his trials, cares for and nurtures him because his joy is her joy, she does not emasculate him but rather encourages him to stand up be a man and claim his place in society. Love shouldn’t hurt, love is not addiction it’s a reflection of something greater than man.

Walking away…its not going to be easy, as a matter of fact is sucks. You have given so much of yourself to this person that you now have to begin to redefine yourself. Take each lesson as it was given and dismiss any feelings of anger, wrath, and retribution-you’re better than that. You can kick this habit, chose yourself. And the first is the worst, never before have you given so much of yourself to another person. This is unchartered territory. Where do you even began to heal? Find comfort in the notion that there is someone out there ready to love you as you should be loved. Find joy in knowing you are not mediocre and by settling for half-ass love you are diminishing your self worth, increase your market value by walking away. Find peace by indulging in those healthy relationships you have made with family, friends, and Christ. But in the mean time, if you think its still worth it…settle for the love that hurts so good. Get your pleasure from your pain. Relish in your addiction to the reminiscences of love.