Birds and Magnets

Some say, "Birds of a feather flock together" while others proclaim, "Opposites attract," but which is more condusive to a successful relationship? My best friend sent me this article from MSN.com it said: Your tastes are too different. “The number-one reason for failed relationships is what I call ‘refinement incompatibility,’” says Zannah Hackett, author of The Ancient Wisdom of Matchmaking. “Some of us are content to go camping, while others can’t survive outside a Ritz-Carlton hotel room. Some things are negotiable, but refinement incompatibility is not one of them, no matter how magnetically attracted you are to each other.” Your lifestyles are too different. If you’re a corporate exec pulling in six figures a year, you’ve probably figured out by now whether you can tolerate a guy who earns an order of magnitude less in terms of his salary. No harm, no foul: Pulling out now is better than leading him along (or unexpectedly sticking him with the tab at that expensive restaurant). And in addition to that it also listed opposite views of money spending, opposite views of politics, and opposite views of humor as "Signs your date isn't THE ONE." I know this isn't conclusive evidence but I think in general its going to be far harder loving your opposite than someone who is similar to you.

A friend of mine, A, she has a very dry an unapologetic sense of demeanor and she used to date a guy, G, who was a bit more expressive & emotional & thought she was mean and insensitive. In their troublesome months it became an issue because G began to feel like she didn't take him seriously and A being the hard-ass that she was couldn't bring herself to show him exactly how much she was trying to heed to his needs. In essence they broke up. I'm sure there were other factors but in my opinion, all along, they never really got each other. Her nonchalant drama-free attitude and his expressive and passionate attitude didn't mix. He wanted to hold her hand in public, she felt like whats the point...However in the beginning it was wonderful because G wanted to wine and dine her, and A played the coy hard to get, I'm not impressed role. Little did G know, it just wasn't in A to show how "impressed" she was or simply appreciate the romanticness (is that a word?). Essentially, G said "I love you so much, you mean the world to me" while A responded, "Yeah you're pretty cool too I guess."

All this is to say how imporant the little things are. Yes we all want somebody that is responsible, ambitious, honest, blah blah blah but who really thinks "I want somebody who appreciates Family Guy" its not so much that Peter Griffin holds a special place in your heart, its simply you don't want to feel like you're being judged by your partner for having an affinity for juvenile humor. The bigger issues such as kids/no kids, blue collar/white collar, beach vacation/camping vacation are things one might expect to compromise on. In actuality they can becoming bigger arguments because they feel just as strongly about their likes and beliefs that you do. And as we all know, you can't go into a relationship looking to change someone, that is just going to backfire and blow up in your face.

I guess its kind of obvious that I'm all for those BIRDS...they flock together for a reason, and studies show in relationships romantic and otherwise these relationships are more stable and have the most longevity. There's something comforting about not having to explain yourself. Someone who can relate to you, and doesn't necessarily have to work that much harder to understand where you're coming from on certain issues; *shoulder shrug* or maybe thats just me