Sunday, December 23, 2007

ESSENCE of me

A lil questionairre I found in the January issues of ESSENCE that I decided to fill out...why not?

My Beauty Journey

1. When do you feel most beautiful?
Just out of the shower, freshly moisturized in a beater or T-shirt and boyshorts. Is that lame? NO make up, no fancy hair, nothing special. And with someone who can appreciate that simplicity...THAT is beautiful.

2. Who did you think was the most beautiful girl in school when you were growin up? Describe her appearance.
Growing up I really truly don't remember looking to one girl and thinking that she was the most beautiful girl in school. I admire different things in different people but I remember very early on being inspired by Tyra Banks because of her self-confidence and the breakthroughs she was making being a highly sought after Black supermodel. Other than that, I really can't think of anyone like a peer that I thought was beautiful. I think I also thought that everyone has problems and issues with themselves so I didn't necessary think that being any thinner, lighter, taller, etc would make a difference in the long run.

3. If you were very different in appearance, did you feel equally beautiful or less than beautiful?
I guess I can thank my mother for my unbelievable confidence. I really don't look at others and envy what they have or if I admire something then I know its attainable but I also know that I have certain qualities that others want...Maybe thats weird, you'd really have to understand my upbringing I guess lol but I was taught that we are all beautiful in our own ways and truly believed that.
4. When did you first discover you were a Black girl?
I dunno... When I was younger I went to an all black private prep school and so I was surrounded by people who looked like me. I remember in like 4th grade this girl in my neighborhood told me she didn't like Niggers and I said I didn't either b/c my mom told me the N word mean ignorant people. I guess it was pretty late like 14 after I went to a predominantly white school that I really realized that white people live in a whole other world and that things are very different for black women than they are for white women.

5. In what ways is being a Black girl different from just being a girl?
I guess the answer they're looking for is ppl expect you to be loud, ghetto, have a baby at 16, be promiscous, have an attitude etc. But every race has stereotyes. I really think being a black girl is no different than just being a girl, hell everyone is different and two black girls are the same just as no two white girls are the same.

6. How have your family and upbringing influences your perception of what's beautiful?
My family is very diverse in its thinking but I will say that I come from a very supportive family on the whole. My mother raised me with a crazy sense of self-confidence and I grew up thinking I was the be all end all, not in a cocky way but I learned early that confidence is one of the most attractive, important qualities that a woman can possess. I learned that Black women are the mothers of the earth and that we are resiliant group and I was made to understand the importance of success on behalf of upholding not only my race but my gender in a society that is waiting on me to ask for a hand out and some food stamps.

7. What aspects of your personal beauty/style do you most enjoy?
I enjoy classic preppy clean looks, I don't like a lot of busy things or trends. I'm sooooo not trendy. I like the fact that my style translates across time and events. I won't have to throw out my jeans, belts, shoes, jewelry etc in 6 months because its no longer relevant.

8. What messagesabout your Black beauty have you kept? What messages have you deleted?
I have kept it all, and am continuing to learn. Black women are beautiful. I have deleted SOCIETY's in particular black america's instance on glorifying light skinned long hair/curly haired women = beautiful. All black women are beautiful, in every way shape and form. There is no perfect woman, only whats perfect to the one who loves her. God made us all in his image so why try to change yourself?


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Beauty and Self Esteem

1. How happy are you with your current total appearance?

Eh I mean everyone has things they want to change about themselves. I'd say I'm just as happy as the next girl appearance wise. Now health wise is a totally different thing. I do need to be more active and get in better shape and I fully intend to do that.

2. Are you more or less confident about your beauty now that in the past? Be Descriptive.

Umm hmm I guess I'm probably more confident now because I'm older and more comfortable in my own skin but doesn't everyone go through that? When you're finally content and happy with who you are and you start to realize that you better start working with what you got lol. I accept some vanity issues that I have for what they are but I figure if its not hurting anyone else and it makes me happy then it can't be that bad right?

3. Has an idealized beauty standard or the opinion of others ever impacted your self-esteem and confidence? What about now? Be specific.

Not really, in most media the token black girl always kinda looks the same, which funny enough is NOTHING like the average black girl and I've never been one who was killing myself trying to achieve some media created vision of beauty. That is not to say I'm above it all, everyone has doubts or anxiety or whatever but I'd say I've always been a pretty confident person overall. Now I'm just as confident but its a different kind of confidence. I think back in the day I was a little cocky lol and for what?!? Who knows but obviously it wasn't too terrible I always had friends lol

4. What breakthroughs have you made in self-acceptances and celebration of your beauty ?

Lets see I dunno I think that other people can help you to began to really accept yourself because if you ever doubt yourself then You just think about how much you're loved and realize that the trivial things you're trippin about don't matter. I realized February 17, 2003 that I'm here for a reason and that life is beautiful and ever since then I try to remember my purpose and "do me" if you will. As far as beauty if I want long hair, then I do it..if I want short hair or brown hair or I want to wear a short skirt then I do it. In the words of T.I. "No matter what I do you know I do it to death" haha

5. What steps have you taken to consistently celebrate all of your beauty all of the time?

Um I keep myself up? Idk pray, take time out for myself, treat myself occassionally, little things that make me happy. I can't wait to be a grownie, there will be a lot more treating going on.

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